Okay, pretty much every single caller I have had phone sex with knows more about sex and kink than me. I admit it freely and gratefully. There are times when I get off the phone with a caller and say out loud “Dang, I should pay HIM for that.” Benefiting from the experience and sexy know how of more experienced lovers is a delicious perk. HOWEVER, there is one issue that men at times seem to be perpetually ignorant of – the pussy.
Showtime’s Masters of Sex
For example, Sigmund Freud stated that the clitoral orgasm was immature and inferior. This theory contends that when a woman matures, she receives greater pleasure through the vaginal orgasm provided by her husband’s penetration. You know when he said this stuff? Way the FUCK BACK in the early 1900s! It’s more outdated than Blockbuster. And yet today, in 2013, one of the first questions I am often asked is “Do you have a dildo?”
The question itself is not what makes me roll my eyes. After all, we’re having phone sex, so the context is quite appropriate. What kills the tingling in my pussy is the crestfallen response I get when I reply in the negative. There is a loud silence during which I can practically hear the wheels turning…”Oh no, she’s never gonna cum.” And then comes a barrage of desperate inquires on possible substitutes…
“OH..what about a banana? You gotta a banana? Everybody has a banana!”
“What about your hair brush?”
“What about your shampoo bottle?”
“Do you have ANY circular object?
“Air freshener spray can?!”
“Are you sure about the banana?”
And then half-hardheartedly…
“Oh, yeah, of course you can just use your hand.”
Look, guys, I adore La Dick – sucking and bouncing on cock is the stuff of which all my masturbatory dreams are made of. But while those wonderfully lusty images are going through my head, I am more often then not fingering my clit. Why? To quote the 9th Doctor, cause it’s FANTASTIC! I love it. Softly circling the outside of my clit at first, teasing myself. Then when I get really wet, stroking high up on my clit where it feels so great my legs shake and my nipples tighten into pebbles. It feels so good I can’t breathe when I cum. It is not some second rate substitute for sticking a Glade can up my vajayjay. ; D